Why are kids turning away from the Web? Professor Jacques DeMoney (pronounced “dee-moe-NAY”), renowned chair of the Media Studies Department at SUNY Hogseye in upstate New York, feels that the answer may lie in the very forces that shape our culture. “If one examines subdeconstructivist dialectic theory, one is faced with a choice: either accept Derridaist reading or conclude that culture serves to reinforce outmoded perceptions of Modernity, given that the premise of Foucaultist power relations is valid.” opined DeMoney in a recent interview, “Thus we must posit a didactic ‘Derridaist reading’ to denote the futility, and some would say the rubicon, of dialectic Modern identity. This trend suggests that we have to choose between subdeconstructivist dialectic theory and poststructuralist objectivism.”

Perhaps, but the kids don’t really care about theory. What they care about is how the burden of growing up with technology has made them feel. When asked why she was spending her afternoon constructing rings of posies in a local park instead of IM’ing her friends from her home computer, Montanna Jenkins, a 12 year old girl from Bethesda, MD, put it simply: “More sorwe ne wot y non,” she intoned in an accent that could only be described as “straight outta Bath,” “yet I speken mine conscience!”

So what are we as higher education technology and marketing professionals to do if we’re going to reach “GenRen?” It’s a tough call: we’ve already staked our careers on the fact that previous generations wanted more technology. Reaching a generation intent on rejecting technology will call for a retooling of our recruitment and communications methodologies. We can only ignore these trends at our peril. Here are some suggestions for reaching out to GenRen:

Move away from the “viewbook” and to the “viewscroll.” GenRen-ers see anything that’s printed as “old tech” and therefore “bad.” They value hand-crafted items as more “authentic” and more “honest.” “Don’t marketest to me!” seems to be the battlecry of this generation. To meet this challenge, try retraining your soon-to-be-obsolete technical staff as illustrators and scribes and have them hand-copy admissions materials onto vellum.

Ignore your web site. It doesn’t work anymore for a generation to whom turning on a lightswitch is seen as the ultimate “sell out.” You may want to maintain a separate “parents only” site for now and an intranet for your more elderly faculty, but begin plans to phase this out over time.

Be aware of the sights and smells of campus. GenRen-ers love open sewers, bonfires, and livestock running around in the open. If you can’t tear down your student housing to accommodate the the “Renners,” stop referring to them as “dorms” and start referring to them as “hovels.”

Email is out. “Campus Criers” are in. Don’t expect to be able to reach “GenRen” kids with email, IM’s, or even on their cellphones. Instead, send a member of the communications staff into the campus Commons every day to shout out the day’s announcements. This is also a good job for any retired faculty who need something to do. They can usually be found lurking around receptions, Commencement ceremonies, or anywhere else it’s possible to find free snacks.

Host “Faires” to attract new students. GenRen is a wary bunch and the idea of an “Open House” will probably spook them. However, if you can assemble a bunch of falconers, strolling minstrels, and fortunetellers to showcase your campus, you’ll be on the right track.

Rethink dining options. GenRen-ers seem to thrive on oversized smoked turkey legs, beef ribs, mead (non-alcoholic, of course!), and pretty much anything served on a stick.

Talk to the Athletic department about their offerings and be sure to insist on sports that involve blood, mud, and armor.

Odors matter! If the admissions staff smells too good they’ll be immediately dismissed. Institute a policy that all admissions counselors can only bathe once ever month.

These ideas may seem a little out there, but it’s vital that we all respond to the trends of today’s prospective students. Many of us missed the boat when the web came along and changed everything…we don’t want to make the same mistake again.